


Paved With Good Intentions

by electricblueninja



Series: The Five Love Languages [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, M/M, Slow Burn, Supportive Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:48:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27365299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/electricblueninja/pseuds/electricblueninja
Summary: Sastiel?(Spoiler alert: the answer is no.)
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel & Sam Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: The Five Love Languages [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1988281
Comments: 5
Kudos: 48





	Paved With Good Intentions

I sit there for a good fifteen minutes before I work up the nerve to leave the library. It's gonna cost me my pride, but I want to find Cas, to ask what it was he'd really wanted to say; to apologise for being a bit...whatever it is I'm being. I don't even know what I'm being. Immature, I guess. But in my defence, I'm not the one who's thousands of years old.

I try Cas' room first, but he isn't there. 

I decide to try the kitchen next. I've just passed by the corridor that leads to Sam's room when I hear his voice. Both of their voices. And yeah, okay, I know it's stupid to listen in on people, especially when they might be talking about things you aren't meant to hear, but it's just...I didn't expect it. Sam and Cas aren't that close. Or at least, I didn't think they were. They're friendly, sure. Friends, even. I guess. At a push. 

But Cas is...he's...

Never mind. It doesn't matter.

I can't make out what they're saying, so I edge back to the mouth of the corridor. By the time I get near enough to listen, though, they've gone quiet.

Then I hear Sam say "Did you...want to come in and talk about it?"

I don't hear Cas reply. I just hear Sam's door close. 

After that, no other sounds. No footsteps of Cas coming back my way, so I guess he did go in to 'talk about it'. 

Talk about...what? What's going on? 

First Cas gets all weird and wants to ask me for help. Wants to talk about love and friendship and peace and butterflies or whatever. Then, he comes up with some excuse and walks out on me, only to go straight to Sam, _into Sam's room_ , to talk about...what? Redecorating the bunker in mauve? 

Why the hell do I even care? 

Beer. What I _do_ know is that it's time for beer.

That night, I have a dream. About the library. Sam and Cas are sitting at one of the tables, surrounded by books and files, pizza boxes and snack wrappers, beer bottles and empty coffee cups. They're doing research. Maybe working a case. Sam says something, and Cas laughs, and after he laughs, his face just relaxes into this...this _smile_. It's warm, it's genuine, and above all, it's...painless. 

It makes me realise that I've seen him smile like that before, but only a handful of times, and never once because of me. 

It makes me realise that I've never seen him look at me without shadows in his eyes.

When I wake up, I just lie there, trying to hold that image of Cas' smile in my head. In my dream, sitting there with Sammy, he looked...at peace. And it makes me think, you know?

Cas and me, we've got things in common. Dads who aren't around, except when it suits them. This dumbass impulse to try to save people. To clean up the messes, the chaos. To take care of the ones we love. To make things right, or die trying. 

We're fighters. We fight. With the world, with heaven and hell, and sometimes with each other. And I've hurt him, I know I have. Physically and emotionally. I nearly killed him a couple of times. So I guess it’s no wonder that the real Cas never smiles at me like dream-Cas smiled at Sam. 

But it makes me uneasy. I'm starting to feel like even though Cas has...even though he once said that we've got a more 'profound bond' than him and Sam, maybe that doesn't really mean what I thought it did. Maybe at some point in the decade we've known each other, something's changed. I mean, Cas sure has. He went from being a ranking officer in Heaven’s army, to being a grunt, to being Heaven's most-wanted--and not in the fun way. And he did it for me. He told Heaven and the angels to go screw themselves. He rebelled against his orders, fought his way out of brainwashing, and even turned on his own family to keep me safe.

So I guess I kind of thought that there was something in that.

But maybe I was wrong. Maybe what Sam said, after I got annoyed with him about the book--maybe he was right. Maybe Cas and _Sam_ have a...a thing, and I just never noticed. Too absorbed in burying my own doubts and...and... _feelings_ to catch on, even though it was happening right under my nose. Maybe Cas was trying to ask me about Sam.

I mean, Sam's not...he's not gay. He likes women, no doubt about it. But most guys at some point must have questions. Maybe they have a friendship with another guy, and over time, they build up trust, and some kind of chemistry. Or maybe they just _know_ the moment that they meet them: some magic happens, some sparks fly. I guess the same goes for me.

_Sparks...Like the night he first appeared to you, in the barn?_

I cover my face with my pillow, like it'll somehow hide the image in my mind of Cas striding through those exploding lightbulbs; unflinching, unblinking. The silhouette of his wings outstretched. The way he looked at me. The way he's always looked at me. Haunted, tragic, puppy-dog eyes: eyes that say too much, even when he says nothing at all. His gravelly voice, softening to speak to me: _Good things do happen, Dean._

"Yeah, well, not to me," I mutter out loud into my pillow.

My throat feels dry, and my gut feels hollow.

But if being with Sam would make Cas happy, I can try to help him.

I owe him that much.


End file.
